A moment of thought:

I am anxiety ridden.  

I've tried to find the source of the anxiety as well as the less than positive thoughts and behaviors that have ensued. I am ashamed to admit that I have given way too much of myself and may have tried to be something I'm not. Lies are not casual and I am not okay with them. They hurt worse when I find out later instead of when people are upfront about them. 

As to the source of the anxiety, I can pinpoint a moment that shattered my trust.  When confronted, all I received was a lie in return. As a result of their hidden truths, I've come to question everything they say and do.  This is not me. I yell at myself wondering why I care.  

For the most part, I've freed myself of the opinion of others.  With the exception of those I have feelings for. I can't help it but I continue to wonder why they were not honest.  At the moment, If my heart was not involved, I would be able to walk away. I've forgiven the act, but the trust, because the truth was never admitted too, the trust is questionable.  

With every situation that crops up, the old me would have been okay with it.  But this damaged heart I have now is not okay with these new casual situations.  I keep hearing that I am nothing but a means to an end. 

This one little act impacts several other situations and relationships. I hate myself for not being able to let go. 


Hindsight is 20/20

The sharing of her life
to an audience of 
to glazed over looks.

Hindsight is 20/20

The Illusion Broken:

As my sanctity is obliterated, a cold resolve echoes within my now hollow heart...  "It's Just Business" 


Of need and desire

and Her lips were coated in desire...
Her fingers tightened...and the...momentum proceeded...
and the girl "Needed"....and she was given... only to awake aching... dripping with frustration 


Face time is irreplaceable

One deserves to love themselves as much as they think they should love, be loved, and how they love another.

Random sweet little nothing text, tweets, brief phone calls, and/or pictures are nice but in no way define a relationship.

Pretend all you want online.

It doesn't mean shit unless Your face to face day in and day out.

Seeing and feeling every emotion someone has.

Being there for them, all of them.  Instead of just seeing the face that is presented to you at the time... the one hidden behind the computer, disguised by happy text or a false jovial voice on the other end of a 30 min conversation.


I love Watching You Sleep~

I love watching you sleep.

It is so delicious snuggling into your chest, wearing nothing but your collar and your marks ~ happily knowing the marks will last a few days

Reflecting on our nefarious deeds of the night as you used me for your pleasures ~a dream come true for me

You were delighting in my screams of pain, moans of pleasure, and gasping, “Please may I cum?”



Love induced touch 
Stimulates hope 
Ventures to dream 


Truth ~ random quotes

The moment we begin to fear the opinions of others and hesitate to tell the truth that is in us, and from motives of policy are silent when we should speak, the divine floods of light and life no longer flow into our souls.
Elizabeth Cady Stanton


Your Touch

I love it when you touch me.   
Time stands still. 
My body quivers. 
I am instantly wet. 
I love this feeling....
Please do not stop.